im trying not to think about you
9:41 p.m. - Sunday, Nov. 08, 2009
this is so bleh. today. in general.
i have economics homework but i have very little interest in economics and just a general dont wanna feeling toward it today. this week. since it started.
you know when here's something eating at you and you just want to talk about it?
it didnt help
it did nothing more than bring it all up again
i burst out into tears again tuesday night
i like that the cuteboy seemed to know i needed the attention. or just has the best timing ever.
the second i was in tears my phone made its familliar chime and a cuteness from him was there.
im using him as a distraction.
b/c i miss *him*
all day
every day
i still can't stop myself from thinking of him
he just wont go away
and im not sure i want to forget
its the first time in a long time i felt anything for a man beyond discontent and general disapointment
and it was nice
even if it wasnt mine to have
i miss my daily dose
i miss my candy
i miss the progress we had going
i want to see him
even if its the last time
but i know how this goes
i wont hear from him
he wont be back
this was his out
and its possible it was in fact all in my head
the feeling that he felt it too
again cute boy pulls through
i wonder if cuteboy knows hes my distraction
i believe it to be mutual..the use for disctraction
his relationship of a little over a year just ended. and hes said before it had been a long time since he let himself be with someone that way
so i believe its mutual use. that he needs the disctraction as much as i do
i keep saying im not trying to date him
b/c im not
i like him. hes very nice adn sweet and genuinly kind. hes fun and illicits that chill no stress relaxing vibe.
and of course he's adorable
but i know me. and i hurt too much to be with anyone. b/c they'd only be compared to who i'm missing.
bah.
homework.
yes.
homework.
i am 26 and i am determined to get this damn degree
math class and eco and all
BAH
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