I had just meant to comment on a video and instead, I shared more about my struggle with my body than I believe I have with anyone. Here's the comment I left tonight after watching this amazing video.
Hi Sarah,
At the moment, you said �think of lunch as a first date,� I thought to myself �annnnd I love her.� Three days into this challenge and I�m loving it. So, right up front, thank you for having your epiphany and sharing that passion.
I�ve lived in a dieting home my entire life. My mother is beautiful and always has been, if you ask me, but, she falls into the baby weight category. When she was pregnant with me, her thyroid went all nutty, and needless to say she�s been on a diet of some kind ever since.
My older sister is an extremist and has done those crazy 2 crackers and a 2 liter of pepsi diets. She is super strict with her diets, whatever they may be. These two women are my main examples in life.
I was a wee little baby, due to surgery when I was born, but the second I healed, I became uber healthy, and then I became a little more than healthy. All of my baby pictures feature those cute just-want-to-pinch-them cheeks. I had a budda belly, pig tails, and chubby cheeks from age 2 to 20.
Don�t get me wrong here. I was an adorable kid. I was also oddly proportioned and bigger than my classmates. That piece of your story definitely clicked with me.
When I reached that lovely stage we call pueberty, it became apparent that I was definitely not like everyone else. I was average height but I was in sizes my friends never even heard of. I inherited the family ass and carried most of my weight in my lower stomach which made me feel incredibly self conscious and generally unhappy.
I can remember as a teenager hating mirrors because I suddenly had this notion that I was ugly. As a kid, I�d never used that word to describe myself. I spent what felt like an eternity hating myself.
When I was 17 this fog lifted. I tried on a pair of tight jeans and they fit me. Like a glove. I�ll never forget the look on my friend�s face when I stepped out of the dressing room. Suddenly, I was seeing myself in the mirror and I liked what I saw.
At this age, I also met two girls (both still in my life) who coveted my ample ass and smaller chest. This was a giant turning point for me.
It sounds like nonsense when people tell you to surround yourself with positive people and you�ll become a positive person but the day I met those two girls, my whole outlook on myself changed.
I had confidence in myself. I began to show off what I had. At time, a bit too much, but I was still quite young and it felt like this was the first time I got to live in my body.
I never dieted. Never. I was never a meal plan person. I�d watched my mother and sister try countless diets and be so discouraged when the scale didn�t cooperate. I�d listened to them want but never get. So I just didn�t think about it.
I�m not sure when it started exactly but I woke up one day and decided that I should eat healthier and be more active. I started working out and educating myself on what were better choices for me. My body changed and I had this whole new me to deal with. I was suddenly smaller than I�d ever been and I loved it. It lasted a week.
Then the new clothes I bought didn�t fit and that almost flat tummy ran away. I ignored it. Sometimes, I scolded myself for it. Then I went to my annual appointment with my no holds barred doctor and she informed me that 1. I was getting older and 2. I�d gained 12 lbs in the last year.
I was shocked. I was appalled. I was pissed. I started counting calories and working out 3 times a week. And that�s where I�ve stayed the last 3 years.
I�m more in love with my body now than I�ve ever been but I still catch myself using negative adjectives to describe my body. Just today, I called myself a little lumpy and instantly laughed it off.
I love working out because it makes me feel alive and accomplished. I love to eat but I�ve been counting calories for years and sometimes I feel like I�m punishing myself to stay within a certain number.
I�m determined to shut up that little voice in my head that seems to think I�m doing something wrong when I go over my calories for the day or can�t make it through my entire workout. She�s really annoying and ultimately discouraging me from my goal to be happily healthy.
I want to be more positive as a person. I�m hoping to focus on living and being a happier person. I want to congratulate myself without finding something else to work on.
I realize this comment just became incredibly long winded but, if we�re being honest, that�s pretty true to my character and that video just has me thinking.
I�m excited for the next video and enjoying more days of this challenge.
9:20 p.m. - Thursday, Sept. 05, 2013