i have sooooo much left to do. i keep distracting myself. wwoooohhoooooo.
homework and taxes before i get my booty to sleep.
a little bleh moment to express first:
i bought some cute valentines card for whoever i thought they fit for. one for a very good friend.
purchasing that was followed up by a week of feeling very unliked. unincluded. pushed aside. you know when you get sick of someone and need to take a break? I think i'm in that place with this person on the person their sick of side.
it's not particularly fun but i'm letting it be. i'm starting to get that "i'm putting way too much effort into this" feeling.
so i'm pausing.
is it turly selfish to focus on ones self?
i've been stressed to the max lately. i walked away from a planned meeting that was supposed to simultaneously start the homework finishing ball rolling with the need to get drunk. did i get drunk? no. i had a drink at dinner and a few more when I got home.
that's it.
i was so close to tears. and then my girl knew i needed her.
there are 3 women in my life i feel closest to. of those three, the one that is physically furthest away is the only one that offered to listen to me, apologized when she interuppted, and made me laugh when i was abotu to cry.
i feel the need to back up and stop trying. i dont want to nag my friends into making time for me. i'm sick of feeling like a third wheel every time i get a chance to go anywhere with another.
so instead, lets do me.
let's say fuck you to the work drama and stress.
lets say hell no to feeling like ass all the time.
lets stop worrying about my tried a true friendships. if they're meant to dissapear then they are. but i don't believe they will.
let's finish this fucking degree.
let's enjoy my baking.
let's do this for me, my way.
because i'm over this month of stress, sadness, over thinking, over worked, stretched to thin, discomfort and bullshit.
february can be my clean slate.
and with that, i'm doing me the way i need to.
:)
8:56 p.m. - Sunday, Feb. 05, 2012