i hate being unsatisfied. i asked him why he doesnt confirm nor denys his interest in me. of course, what i wanted was a, because i'm interested. or even because i dont want to use you for sex but thats all i'm interested in
no.
i get undecided. which means i'm fucking right.
he's attracted to me. he has been since day 1. he is especially attracted when i'm dressed more or less professionally. no idea why but that makes him a nervous wreck.
we are certainly friends.
but i went into this saying i will not be friends with a man i'm interested in and hide that fact.
so i told him straight out. i like you.
i dont think we could date but i think we would enjoy each other.
and who knows, maybe we could date. i think he's sensitivites mirror those of david & paul and that never worked for me.
and since i told him he isnt uncomfortable. he likes to flirt with me.
and he dirty flirts.
lately, its alot of sex related talk. a lot.
so when given the opportunity i brought it up. interest or not. undecided. SERIOUSLY.
i dont wait. i dont want to fucking wait.
i want it now. i want a man i can kiss that isnt gonna be a dick. i want sex with someone that isnt thinking im falling for him or vice versa.
i want comfort and he is comfort.
and im attracted. and so is he.
so why is he undecided?
im fucking great. and he speaks to me like im the only one that things of it. hes just as bad. bring up me & how i feel. boosting his own ego.
fuck.
am i getting myself in a shitty situation?
i just want to be able to kiss him. thats it for me. to see if it would feel as good as i think it would, ya know.
ive done the friends w/a man i have interest in.
and when i have there were always these stupid rules, like no touching or flirting and shit.
i want to feel what i feel and do what i like.
and i dont think hed mind one bit.
i just want him to admit that.
*sigh*
i have homework.
its funny. im more worked up about this man and how he sees me than i was in the 3mths with eric, including the break up.
i never really thought about much with him. not really. i dont think.
i dont know. i forget it happened.
ha
i dont think its a bad thing to want to know where you stand.
i wont push it, but i can feel myself waiting. already.
dammit.
nope.
focusing elsewhere.
homework homework and more homework.
10:55 p.m. - Friday, Jan. 14, 2011